Saturday, June 8, 2013

Dear Dogbreath, wherein our hero takes time out of his busy duties to help people with life's problems


Dear Dogbreath,

My aunt, (who invites me to dinner frequently) is very insistent that I clean my plate in spite of the fact that I am allergic to peanuts and eggs, and frankly, anything with raisins in it reminds me of my salad days of living in a vermin infested apartment in Washington, DC.  What should I do?  - Picky Eater.

-

Dear Picky Eater:

It is kind of barbarous in general to monitor other people's food and inquire closely about what is or is not happening to it. If no one asked you whether you wanted this thing or that being served you, or whether it was to you liking, go ahead and reject it and to hell with the plate police. It's your body and you can put into it and refuse admission to anything you want.


In a social situation that involves eating, one should try to avoid confrontations regarding the particulars of food, of course. Hosts should accept that you don't want something and not extract from you a lengthy explanation of why, which might be embarassing for both the host and for you. After all, there are all kinds of reasons people don't eat things, from religious beliefs to food allergies or merely a lively imagination. And many people don't really want a lecture on gastroenterology while at the dinner table. 

PS.  If there is no other way out, surreptitiously feed it to the dog.  My brethren are always hovering about the dinner table and are usually delighted to get anything that falls. 

Love,

Dogbreath

***************************************************

Dear Dogbreath,

I work at home and see no reason to waste the earth's energy and water resources by taking a shower more than once a week.  It saves time, soap dries my skin, and the drains get clogged up with my hair and scum.  If everyone did as I did, no one would mind, and the world would be a better place with more potable water and a sustainable environment.   

Signed:    All Natural.


Dear All Natural: 

You go first.  I'll wait upwind and see how this works out for you.

Love,  

Dogbreath 

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Visiting Highgate Cemetery, London

It was probably the most interesting thing I did when I visited London, visiting this venerable old cemetery.   As a cemetery tourist I have seen a lot of them, the good, the bad, and the awful, mostly in Chicago but also in other parts of the US.  

Perhaps the worst locations for a cemetery  were the ones relocated from a runway at O'Hare International Airport, hemmed in by a network of industrial warehouses, constantly arriving and departing aircraft, or the one I remember that is located at the intersection of two freeways and under the approach flight path of the same airport.  Of course when the cemeteries were laid out the century or so previous, no one anticipated that they would be surrounded by freeways, burger joints, florists, and monument companies.  The intention was a peaceful contemplative location far from the cares of life.   

The best cemeteries have been the old ones laid out in a pastoral setting with great trees and a forest of upright stones and statuary that must be a string trimmer's paradise, as on any sunny weekday,  hordes of workers in tee shirts and hearing protectors work away at the lawns, removing any plastic flowers, wind chimes,  and sodden teddy bears that they find.  


Like many old cemeteries, Highgate is located near the crest of a high hill.  To get there from central London,  I took the North line from Goodge Street station in Fitzrovia.  It took a while to get there from central London.    After studying the maps in the A-Z Atlas of London I decided to get off at Archway station, which serves a scruffy looking part of North London but as you walk up the hill things get progressively more prosperous. 

 At the station, there was Middlesex University ( one of its campuses soon to close)  across the street and public houses and grim looking public buildings that look like they were slapped together cheaply in the 1950s.   Then as I worked my way laterally along Magdala Avenue alongside Whittington Hospital, the Raydon Road and the right uphill along Swain's Lane until I saw the lower reaches of Highgate Cemetery. 

The cemetery is divided into an east and a west section.  The west section is closed except for guided tours.  It had experienced some neglect over the years and is only recently has it undertaken restoration work.  Because of the occasional subsidence of graves it isn't safe to allow people to wander unattended through the cemetery, (or at least that was the explanation offered).  There were graves surrounded with caution tape, which I guess, had suffered from disrepair.  There had obviously been vandalism too. 

Most of the west cemetery is very much overgrown with weeds and brush and vines clinging to the faces of graves, even.  At night the place is full of foxes and other wildlife, and the tour guide said you can hear the foxes barking or screaming like lost children at night.   There are various efforts of course at restoration.  Our tour group visited various parts of the catacombs, which were a magnificent below ground ring of funeral chambers surrounding the summit of a hill crowned by a large old tree. 

*********************************************************************************
Alexander Litvinenko

Of course a number of famous people along with the merely rich have been buried there in the east cemetery even if some of them now seemed lost in obscurity.   An exception however must have been made in the case of  Alexander Litivinenko, a Russian emigre and dissident who was murdered in a most ghoulish matter by ingesting radioactive material placed in his drink.   He died an agonizing death from radiation poisoning a week or two later.  They still don't know exactly who did it but the suspicion is that Russian agents had a role in it.   It has not been the first time that suspicious murders of refugees from Eastern Europe have taken place in London or Washington, of course.   A Bulgarian who defected from the then Communist Bulgaria was killed by a ricin injection from the end of a specially modified umbrella as he was walking across one of the bridges over the Thames.  And I was reading somewhere just the other day of another Russian emigre who was unaccountably found dead at his home near London. 

*******************************************************************************
Unlike the west cemetery, which is reserved mainly for persons adhering to the Church of England, others such as dissenters, Methodists and atheists can be laid to rest in the east cemetery, which is still a working cemetery, although even it seems overgrown in many places.  The most famous atheist buried there   is unquestionably Karl Marx, the German philosopher who formulated the basis for modern communism and who died in exile in London in 1883. 

  He was originally buried in a much more obscure part of the cemetery, off the main paved path that runs down and around the cemetery, however in 1950 the British Communist Party, moved his remains and marker and erected the memorial where he now rests, with a massive sculpture of his likeness and incorporating the simple stone that originally was his grave marker. 
*******************************************************************************
More to my liking, personally was another atheist, Douglas Adams, who died of a massive heart attack at the rather early age of 49.*  Adams was the author of the "Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy" which started out as a radio comedy, spawned a TV series, and morphed into a series of books and at least one feature film.  He also was a contributor to the old Doctor Who sci-fi series that continues to this day.   His grave is a very simple one with his name, the years of his birth and death and the word "Writer".    Next to his grave at the time I was looking at it was a flower pot full of pens and pencils.  I expect that writing instruments are a more appropriate artifact to leave at a writer's grave than flowers, figurines, pebbles, candy bars or cans of beer.

This is the first part of the first episode of his most famous series:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMoi-nDd6cQ


*Anyone who dies at an age younger than I am now, died young. 
******************************************************************************
Malcolm McLaren

A short ways down is the grave of rock and roll impresario Malcolm McLaren, who, among other things, was the manager for Johnny Rotten and the Sex Pistols.   This was the era of punk rock, and their most famous song was "God Save The Queen" which was not exactly a paeon.

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8z2M_hpoPwk



 His grave seems to owe something to the Warner Brothers Logo. 
****************************************************************************

Sir Ralph Richardson (1902-1983) was a famous British actor who was one of the founding members of the Old Vic Company and the Royal Shakespeare Company. He appeared in many films as well, including "Doctor Zhivago", "The Heiress", "Richard III", "Our Man in Havana", "Long Day's Journey into Night", "Oh! What a Lovely War", "Jesus of Nazareth", and "Time Bandits."
He appeared on the TV program "What's my Line" back in the 1960s here:


*********************************************************************

Patrick Caulfield  (1936-2005) was a painter.  While most graves euphemistically speak of the departed as "asleep" or "with Jesus", Caulfield's marker was rather original in design and in the message: DEAD, but much loved.
  

One of his best known works was "After Lunch" (1975) which I saw a few days later at the Tate Britain.
**********************************************************************
(1950-2011)


I can't say I knew this person or knew of him, but the memorial was unique and affecting.    I did briefly meet his wife who was tending the flowers near his grave. If I had known the widow of the man interred was standing right there I would politely have wandered off and not taken any pictures,  leaving her alone with her grief, but I didn't notice her until I had taken my pictures. Afterwards I googled the deceased and discovered that he was an advertising executive, and an important strategist for the Labour Party during the Thatcher and Blair years. 

When he was dying of  cancer, Gould wrote a book on facing death "When I die: Lessons from the Death Zone" and made a short film .
*********************************************************************************

1791- 1867

He was kind of a self-made scientist having little formal education, who nevertheless made many important discoveries in electrochemistry and electromagnetism during a time when science was progressing from gentleman's hobby to an industrial enterprise.  A consummate experimentalist. 

**********************************************************************
The Sleeping Lion, the Starbucks Girl, and the Grieving Dog

Apart from the famous people interred there, every cemetery can be looked upon as a museum of grief and hopes about the afterlife.  A man who was referred to as a "menagerist" had a sculpture of a lion sleeping on his tomb.
Lions are popular symbols in British cemeteries, but this man actually owned a few, along with other animals, and made his living exhibiting them to the public. 

Female figures of mourning and angels have also long been popular as grave adornments.  I call this one the "Starbucks Girl" because she reminds me of the trademark of the Starbucks Coffee
whose shops are found worldwide.

Most old cemeteries have its share of grieving angels and maidens and here are a couple from Highgate:
In the latter picture notice the symbolism of the inverted torch, which is a common symbol of death in British as well as American cemeteries.

Finally while living dogs are frequently unwelcome in cemeteries for obvious reasons, the main reason of which is that they like to mark their territory against every upright object and are unmindful of the appropriateness of where they deposit their waste.  However stone dogs as figures of mourning are still popular, and who knows?  Some of them may also be interred along with their owners.


The End

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Diana and the Historic difficulties of being Royal and Sane


 I finished the biography of Diana, princess of Wales,  (The Diana Chronicles, by Tina Brown) which was perhaps more than I really wanted to know. The course of true love never ran smooth, I guess. I was looking through my atlas of Paris trying to figure out where the Pont de l'Alma where the fateful accident took place.

 Anyway the ghoulish details are as follows:  the chauffeur was taking anti-depressants and was drunk and driving too fast.  Diana suffered a tear in the pulmonary artery from the sudden deceleration of the Mercedes Benz as it hit a concrete pillar and spun around. Dodi Fayed died at the scene from a massive head injury. The driver was impaled on his steering column. The paparazzi showed up and were snapping pictures of the wreck and the bodies and were later arrested for not lending assistance, which in France is a crime. The father of Dodi said he thought it was an MI-6 conspiracy. Diana's older brother the Earl Spencer said rude things at the funeral about the royal family and accused the paparazzi and the press in general of killing Diana. She was interred on an island in the middle of an artificial lake on Spencer property.  That was probably the only way even in death that she could avoid the approach of the public, unless they could swim.

And what is the moral of the story? I guess if you are going to marry the prince and future King, you better get used to not having any privacy whatsoever. Every servant and chauffeur and bodyguard will be selling stories to the press about every tiny aspect of your life, and the ones who aren't are spies.  Some of the press predation may have been republican animus and some of it just perverse curiosity and the desire to sell newspapers. All celebrities live with this sort of thing to varying degrees.   It is hard to have the perquisites of fame without the drawbacks too.   I at least can put my trash out on the curb on Monday mornings and rest assured that nobody is going to steal it and try to speculate about what goes on in my private life.  

And a second moral is that if you marry someone who sees himself as God's gift to humankind, defender of the faith, and future head of the Church of England, you are not going to have much clout. He cannot cleave for himself as unimportant persons do, and his royal mate must pass muster by the entire apparatus of government and public opinion.  Even today the love life of a royal heir is subject to discussion in parliament and by the Prime Minister.
It would have been far better for Prince Charles to marry whom he loved and love whom he married and not get mixed up with ineligible married women such as Camilla Parker-Bowles.  As carefully vetted as Diana may have been, the vetting didn't go far enough, apparently.   The fragility of unions under the constraints of the Royal firm, and perhaps the changing roles of women and men in society in general have played havoc with marriages. 

And thus does human biology, to which we are all subject, overrule the intentions of the British monarchy. If you read about the long sanguinary history of hereditary monarchies in England or anywhere else, you begin to see what a bad fit it makes as a form of government. Henry VIII famously went through six wives trying to produce a male heir, got in trouble with the Pope and established a new church (essentially the same as the old church but under different management) as a result. He produced a male heir but that heir died from a "fever" after barely reaching his majority. Henry however did have a couple of fine girls who were more viable than the son, who disagreed as to religion. And there were all those pesky Papists to worry about. Bloody Mary succeeded him and with her habit of executing Protestants, proceeded to have a tomato and vodka drink named after her. When she died, the Protestant Elizabeth I took over and led England into its golden age, defeating the Spanish Armada and sponsoring the age of Shakespeare and the opening up of the Americas for British exploration. After that James I (VI in Scotland) was brought in from Scotland because of the apparent infertility of the last Tudors, and commissioned a new translation of the bible.   As a result people in England began to read the bible for themselves and developed their own ideas about what it meant. This lead to an outbreak of Calvinism, for whom the monarchs were suddenly found not Protestant enough to suit them. All this came to a lost head when Charles I ascended the throne and got in trouble with his own parliament, the Scots and with Oliver Cromwell.

The roundheads proved the better soldiers and decided to dispense with the monarchy altogether. They melted down the crown jewels and set up a kind of theocracy based on Calvinism and persecution of everyone who wasn't a Calvinist. It was as though Jerry Falwell or Pat Robertson ran the country. Cromwell was a killjoy, and closed down the theaters, forbade dancing and gambling, and other signs of impiety. This clearly couldn't last. When the old man died, his boy Richard took over, but Richard was not the leader that the old man was and the restoration happened. Charles II came back from exile, reopened the theaters, people danced in the streets, and reverted to their usual impious ways. New crown jewels were commissioned.

 

But infertility, early death, and lack of issue and the Catholic affiliation of many otherwise eligible royals led to the necessary importation of royals from abroad.  First there was William and Mary,  then Queen Anne, who seemed only to be able to produce miscarriages.   So finally and more successfully they brought in George I from Hanover, Germany. At last they found someone who could produce a live litter and the Hanoverian imports multiplied and prospered. George II followed, and then George III. George III  took his divine rights as king very seriously but royal prerogative was definitely on the decline, unlike across the water in France.  Still, he took a dim view of colonists thinking they had rights and the impudence to think they were not there just to send the crown money and shut up. The ensuing war, encouraged by the French Monarchy was a chastening loss to the King, and his bouts of madness and porphyria did not enhance his power. His son was a playboy and parliament finally decided to make the king basically a figurehead, with the Reform act of 1830. Fertility continued  with the ascendancy of Victoria and Albert who had a large number of children, many of them carrying a recessive gene that contributed to the demise of the Russian house of Romanov, among others as they married into just about all the Royal families of Europe.  

The British Empire, recovering from the loss of America, reached its apogee with the colonization of most of Africa, India, and significant parts of the far East including Australia. After that of course the sun slowly began to set on the British Empire. Edward VI gave the name to the Edwardian Era from 1901 -1910, as Victoria's reign came to an end in 1901.   As the Royals had German names, befitting their origins in Hanover (recently) and since the Germans were very unpopular in Britain during the two wars, they changed the name to something British sounding, Windsor.  Then there was George V from 1910-1936.
At this juncture Edward VIII was to succeed, but at this critical moment he wished to marry a divorced American named Wallis Simpson.  It was bad enough perhaps to have Germans running around the various royal palaces, but an American?  And a divorced one?  Edward VIII was the titular head of the Church of England.  And who wanted a Queen Wally anyway?   The monarchy OR the match was doomed.  Edward chose to stick with Wallis, and they were unceremoniously banished to France. 
 Thus did the line of succession take a left turn and end up in the lap of George VI, who was king during the Second World War and died in 1952.  His eldest daughter, Elizabeth, young and beautiful, became queen in the postwar age, a position she holds to this day.















Sunday, December 4, 2011

Boys will be Boys, or Just Castrate Me Now, Lord

Another Presidential Candidate brought low by his alleged sexual resume.  What to do?  

Perhaps we should ritually castrate anyone who aspires to higher office. If we rate Presidents now on the strength of their family life, I guess Reagan is out because he was married twice. As for persons like Clinton, what do you make of people who really SHOULD have been divorced and weren't. (Talk about serial adultery).   Franklin Roosevelt was confined to a wheelchair so I am sure his love life was beyond reproach. (I mean, what could he do besides collect stamps?),   Harding fathered a child outside of his marriage. Eisenhower sought relief in the form of his secretary Kay Summersby. The Kennedys, all of them got around the neighborhood with regularity. Nixon on the other hand, so far as I have read, was faithful to his Pat. Carter, on the other hand,  admitted he had sexual thought crimes in an interview with Playboy, when he was running for president. (So glad we got that cleared up before electing him).  .

The sex organs, their existence and use by individuals, should not be held against anyone. (Indeed, you hold them against anyone and you're guilty of some kind of sex crime).   " Sorry officer, I was driving under the influence of testosterone." Unless you are a saint or something you've probably done something or maybe committed thought crimes of some sort that might cause you shame and exemption from polite society.

Unless you are male and master of the universe of course you probably can't know what being away from home, liquored up, and in the presence of some young sweet things does to the mind and better judgment. God help any man with an intact set of organs. God gave us our junk to see to it that the species did not die out. Forgive us. In the future only men from the Vienna Boys choir need apply.